10 Fun Facts About Cancers / by Madonna Refugia

  1. Being a Cancer means never having to apologize for your rampant emotions or that gas station attendant you kidnapped.
  2. Cancers are always crying because we like to use our tears as lube!
  3. When singing harmony, Cancers NEVER sing a third below.
  4. Cancer men wipe their butts from front to back. Cancer women are the same but only if they are right-handed.
  5. Cancers are super intuitive: they can tell when you're mad, sad, and when you're hating yourself for embarrassing yourself in algebra class 20 years ago.
  6. When in the right altitude, Cancer men have 12 foot cocks.
  7. At sea level, Cancer women's clits glow in the dark.
  8. If a Cancer likes you, they will bury themselves in the sand. If they love you, they will commit seppuku.
  9. Cancers value loyalty and great cuticles in friendships.
  10. OJ Simpson is a Cancer so there's absolutely no way he is guilty.